Letters from the Sunday lab

The simple writings in life aren't about simple topics, they are about extremely complex realities written in simple ways. Sometimes sitting at the student building on a Sunday afternoon is the best place to write about it. I am a graduate student and so this weekend doesn't come as a surprise for me , like the ones I phase out as I value writing something meaningful, between lines of codes. Between the shuttles I missed near the Dunn Meadow when it was just starting to rain, and sometimes going on a round trip on a bus, waiting for it to stop. The songs and playlists we put on repeat and the ones we play when the labs are empty.

There is a strange routine that haunts us at times, the realization that we can be bound in between the courses , the submissions and the semesters and that the bounded selves, the desirability to do something different is often a choice. We can still find company between the coffee breaks which often last longer than the class, the pizza slices among meetings that draws us into real conversations. Between the facebook posts and likes alike and between the weekends we deserve, I wish we lost more time to coffee breaks, and in trying to write something simple.

For now I feel the empty IMU halls, the slow flow of elevator doors bells, and the closed doors keeps the chaos away, from the next Monday. I still believe there should be more places than labs to write, and to be able to convince you that there are more reasons than one to read. For now I choose to write from here, as I pick up on the bugs and nuances that threaten my world among computer. Far away from writing,  and probably what might remain just as a dog eared page on my lab notebook, I see the spring outside, and the breeze that makes me wait for rain.

I fear not. .

I fear not those who have come and gone, 

Neither those who couldn't leave, and stayed in my mind

I fear not the end, my story has only begun,

And yet for a moment I stray from the road, I am hard to find

 

 

 

I fear not the dwellings of the day, the view outside never bores my heart,

Among writing that I can listen to in my mind, I read but only to you my friend

I fear no one is reading the end, and hence I write of no endings, as I start

And in the colder mornings of a warm summer day, I write of things, of which we all pretend

We merely wrote

No we didn't live, we didn't die,
We didn't win and yet have let the winners walk by,

We didn't console , we didn't grief,
We didn't break away from love, because that was somethign we couldn't believe.

We didn't return to the same places, we never left,
We never gave away the whole of us, it was among the things I never even kept

We didn't believe in time, it was as ephemeral as somethign we merely count,
We didn't keep track of memories as we looked back to our lost and found

We didn't flinch, we didn't laugh or cry,
We simply learned to keep a straight face , we learned to survive

We were never broken hearted, we were broken as a whole,
And yet the pieces were never mine to keep, and so I was told

We were never real and yet you seemed to be as real as reality can be,
You were in footsteps and knock on the doors, are you hoping the silence will set me free?

On the perfect response to life’s most imperfect explanation

"On the perfect response to life’s most imperfect explanation"

Calvin’s Dad: The world isn’t fair, Calvin.

Calvin: I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favour?

There is a notion that the world was written before we knew it, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong. Our doing and the things that can be done and those that cannot be undone. Imagine a handbook to life that reminds you that it's not as simple as it seems. The moments that are fair and the times that it turns unfair.

                                  I wander in the weary nights more often thinking the world around me has a better idea, but I get the feeling they are all looking for it too. The amazing thing about life is that it never stops asking question and it always expects answers.Here's to life

I wonder some nights if we could be friend,

If you would keep your questions aside and just write to me and press send.

Envy the world sometimes with me sit by my side,

Promise me just for today, no matter what you'll always abide.

I wonder some nights if you changed your number or if you simply refuse to call,

The one's that are long forgotten to you, that I hope yet in time you will recall.

Be fair my friend, even if just for a day so true,

Listen to the unfair writings, the jokes and still believe I am still living you.

On the unspoken truth behind the education system

"On the unspoken truth behind the education system
Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."

In the days to come our generation would have passed on things that have been effective only on pages of a book. Worked on issues that have resolved nothing but simply added more to what is existing. Taken smaller steps towards changes, not because we are scared, but because we are urged to take the safer steps ahead. Our own time has fallen to the idea that learning and education are somewhat synonyms to the same cause and effect. We have learned to acknowledge facts but not add to them and yet we keep fighting with ourselves for a change.

In tomorrow's debates and worlds aside we have learned that nothing and no one can be responsible for being how forgetful we have become of the things that do and do not matter. Our knowledge is no longer dredged upon by the curious minds alike but dragged along the sight of ulterior motives that I encourage you to explore.

On providence’s lack of a timetable

"On the falling of sparrows (or providence’s lack of a timetable)
Calvin: Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one."

We are constantly threatened by what we cannot see, hold or touch. Sometimes even bothered by the things we cannot feel. We are worried about the things we wish did happen at the times we needed it the most. About our complains and regrets being heard somehow.

Life is not fair, and it never will let you choose what you can and cannot wish from it. The surprises are the little things in life that catch you off guard, the insights that we find in other people and the little knowledge we gain every single day. Life is truly full of surprises, and not always when you need them. But that still doesn't mean we stop expecting, we stop hoping.

On why we are scared of the dark

"On why we are scared of the dark
Calvin: I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction."

Our greatest victory our closest nights are often found when we knew we didn't give up we put up a fight. Our fears may bind us sometimes when its dark and lonely, when the absolute idea that the nothingness around you is what worries you the most. We fear something when we don't understand something, we fear when nothing makes sense when it is supposed to and we fear because we feel we have no one to share our fears with.

It binds us, constrains us and sometimes limits the flight of thoughts knowing there's nothing or no one to fall back to. I yearn you to dream, to imagine a world where your greatest fear is realized only because you want to face them and to keep a friend around. Even in the darkest nights your fears will only distract you, if you allow it to.